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He's So Damn Successful 
 Thursday Nov 20th
Have you guys heard about the greatest man to ever bless the internet with his deep and insightful comments? He goes by the name bigtex, and he's the most successful man in the universe. He makes 4 billion dollars a second, owns a fleet of private jets, and has had sex with every Playboy Playmate and Penthouse Pet of the last 30 years. Each morning he awakes to Katy Perry and Scarlett Joahansson simultaneously blowing him, and he can make any woman orgasm, especially your wife, with just a graze of his fingertip. His feet haven't actually touched the ground in over 20 years, because he's somehow evolved into a divine life force that can walk on air, yet he still has a dozen loyal servants who drop fresh strips of bacon in front of his every step. It's only happened twice in his life, but when someone dare start trouble with him, he merely bats an eyelash, and that foolish person's intestines instantly implode. Yes, it's all true, and you would all gladly give up your entire lives to live even just one minute as the almighty bigtex. It's a well known fact that only truly successful people spend all their time on the internet, telling complete strangers how great their lives are. And the most amazing part is, he's done all of this without ever leaving his mom's basement. Wow! What a guy. --Adam Leave A Comment

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